Toe Part II

I was playing with different outfits yesterday. The challenge is its summer here, which means a) I'm going to miss half of it because I'm wearing a ski boot in the wrong season and b) it's a little hot and humid to be wearing long pants every day. And what to wear on the other foot? I tried flats but the boot is quite high, so then I tried a heel, but my heels are higher than the boot. So either way, I am lopsided.  But here are some options I quite liked.

I thought the Van Noten metallic offsets the drab grey

Perhaps the studs on this offset the buckles on the boot?

It's all about color blocking this season, so I have to wear these pink Manolo's

 even if my boot is off the ground

I think the rope wedge works for the weekend?

The worst part of this saga are the shoe sales. Barney's, Bergdorf et all are in full spring sale swing, with heavenly summer shoes at 40% off! What's a hobbling shoe-aholic to do? Well, on Friday I threw caution to the wind and limped into Giuseppe Zanotti to get their much coveted metal and leather sandal. I whipped off the boot much to the sales assistant's surprise and told him he was doing me an emotional favor by helping ease my bandaged and swollen right foot into the sandal to make sure it fit. Perfection. Whilst I may have missed the Blahnik python sandal, this one was my perfect size.  Who cares if I only get to wear the left one for a while?!

image: michiel kueper

Toes, Ski Boots, Fashion Faux Pas & New Yorker Generosity

I fractured my big toe last weekend. And no one believed me.  I was surrounded by non believing men, of course, who all said it was just bruised and swollen, so ice it and take a pain killer. But the kicker was they were all medicos! The Anesthetist, a radiologist and a GP and we were all on a boat. It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but I was the only one not laughing. And as usual, it was mum who knew best. "Splint it and get it X-rayed," she ordered down the phone. "Don't wait for sympathy from a doctor. You'll be waiting til the next Coming."

Of course,  I did get the last laugh when I victoriously waved the results in front of the anesthetist's nose on Tuesday. Although, my sense of vindication faltered slightly when, after a flurry of belated and guilty action, the anesthetist got me into a top orthopod in record time who then presented me with my new best friend for the next 6 weeks. I'm a walking fashion disaster.

"Do they make these in black?" I whined. "It's an easier color to co-ordinate." I didn't even get a response. Just an arched eyebrow (a blonde, bushy one at that). OK. Clearly fashion and medical matters don't belong in the same sentence. But if anyone out there is looking for a new business idea......

My new "friend" demands attention. In fact, you can't miss him as can be seen from the photos above. Apart from his glaring visibility, the sound of his dull thud on the pavement suggests a one-legged mummy is coming to attack you. But the surprising part of this ordeal has been the kindness shared by fellow New Yorkers! Who said New Yorkers don't care? One lovely man gave up his much coveted cab for me. Another very good looking younger man asked a stranger to give me their seat on the subway. I have random conversations with other men whilst waiting at the pedestrian lights. The anesthetist better watch out. Men can have their dogs to use as a chick magnet. Women only need an ugly grey boot!

Pearly Whites

I went to the Dentist today (no, that is not my mouth above!) Normally this is an appointment of dread, but I have to admit I really like my dentist. He is a handsome New Yorker in his early 50's, tall, with George Clooney hair and a healthy laissez faire attitude when it comes to work versus play. He has a dental nurse who has the most magical hands. She rubs numbing gel onto my gums and no matter how long since I last flossed, the cleaning process is almost pain free. And her finale is a lovely cold spray of bicarb soda to make sure my ivories are sparkling white and super smooth.

All this made me realize how obsessed New Yorkers are with teeth. Almost to the point of derision. My insurance company actually gives me a hefty discount if I visit the dentist twice a year. Every second ad on TV and in magazines is for Crest whitening strips.

And every other ad is for invisalign braces.

In most neighborhoods there is a teeth whitening salon.

And even Anna Wintour commented on how bad Sienna Miller's teeth were when she was choosing the front cover for her famous September issue (New Yorkers are notoriously critical of english teeth).

According to the American Dental Association, in 2007, Americans spent $95.2 billion on dental care. Now I'm not good with numbers, but I am sure that is larger than some small country's economy. So now I keep thinking: are my teeth white enough and straight enough? Certainly not if I look too hard at America's perfectly perfect news presenters - and I swear they look like this on TV as well as in photos:

Courtney Friel, Fox 

Laurie Dhue, Fox

Alina Cho, CNN

Kiran Chetry, CNN

Katie Couric, CBS

I guess if I had the time I could always use the crest strips, sleep wtih Invisalign and schedule regular appointments at 'Brite Smile' (in betwen the manicures, hair, waxing and whatever else New York women do to stay looking perfect). Or I could just enjoy my grey-haired dentist twice a year and hope that the bicarb soda in Colgate keeps the dreaded yellow at bay. At a minimum I might look like a real person.

images: (1) best teeth whitening systems, (2) low price for home, (3) whistler dental, (4) woodfield, (5) Vogue, (6 - 7) fox, (8-9) CNN,  (10) media bistro

Let's get physical

I joined a gym last weekend. I have never, ever in my entire life been a member of any sporting group or facility. I was always the stay-in-bed-and-read girl whilst all my friends had personal trainers and tennis tournaments and marathons to run. I would occasionally do yoga and loved to hike and horse ride, but those were all outdoor activities. I scoffed at those who ran miles on a treadmill and frowned at those who "spun" on a stationary bike in a dark room with nightclub music blaring. But age has taken its toll. No longer can I eat bagels and vegemite or scones and jam and cream without noticing the cellulite dimples multiply on my thighs. My work pants from 5 years ago are now done up with safety pins as the press studs don't meet. Jeans? Too old and wide to wear them now unless there is a long top covering my butt.  Meanwhile, all those friends who diligently exercised a few times a week still look fit, trim and healthy. Lesson learnt. It's time to make friends with an elliptical.

I'm terrified. But also excited. My goal is to look fab for Christmas (she says as she munches on a chocolate muffin for dinner) and get some much needed energy back. I had my first session on Saturday. What does ones wear to the gym these days? I was hoping I might look like this:

But I think I looked more like this (with a few more bulges):

That's what happens when you don't invest in sportswear for 20 years. Anyway, I have a long winter ahead of me to row that metal machine, walk up an artifical incline and do the elliptical moon walk. And all the while I will dream of one day looking like Daria in Mert and Marcus' stunning shoot for US Vogue:

Images: Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott, dariawerbowy.onsugar.com; ONJ: counter critic