Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Let's get physical

I joined a gym last weekend. I have never, ever in my entire life been a member of any sporting group or facility. I was always the stay-in-bed-and-read girl whilst all my friends had personal trainers and tennis tournaments and marathons to run. I would occasionally do yoga and loved to hike and horse ride, but those were all outdoor activities. I scoffed at those who ran miles on a treadmill and frowned at those who "spun" on a stationary bike in a dark room with nightclub music blaring. But age has taken its toll. No longer can I eat bagels and vegemite or scones and jam and cream without noticing the cellulite dimples multiply on my thighs. My work pants from 5 years ago are now done up with safety pins as the press studs don't meet. Jeans? Too old and wide to wear them now unless there is a long top covering my butt.  Meanwhile, all those friends who diligently exercised a few times a week still look fit, trim and healthy. Lesson learnt. It's time to make friends with an elliptical.
I'm terrified. But also excited. My goal is to look fab for Christmas (she says as she munches on a chocolate muffin for dinner) and get some much needed energy back. I had my first session on Saturday. What does ones wear to the gym these days? I was hoping I might look like this:

But I think I looked more like this (with a few more bulges):

That's what happens when you don't invest in sportswear for 20 years. Anyway, I have a long winter ahead of me to row that metal machine, walk up an artifical incline and do the elliptical moon walk. And all the while I will dream of one day looking like Daria in Mert and Marcus' stunning shoot for US Vogue:

Images: Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott, dariawerbowy.onsugar.com; ONJ: counter critic

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